Getting caught up in the daily grind of life, where the time flies so fast, we often feel or think that we have to work (gotta pay the bills y’all), cook dinner (can’t starve), drive the kids to practice (thinking they must take piano), go to that birthday party we dread (don’t want to look completely anti-social). If the way you’re living is draining your energy physically and mentally, and you find yourself in a slump of where those activities aren’t giving you joy, you may wonder “what the hell am I doing with my life?” or “does the life I’m living feel like mine?” You may feel disconnected between who you are, and how you live.
Believe me when I tell you, there are a ton of self-help books out there, to help you find your life’s purpose and live true to you. After a lot of soul searching, reading, and trying to figure out what does it mean to live “true to you”, all it took was a friend to die suddenly from a disease that progressed in less than a year, in order to assess my own situation and figure out how simple it is to know if you’re living true to who you are.
Whatever you truly want out of your daily life should be what you are experiencing. I have one thinking exercise for you to do. Create the scenario of your funeral eulogy in your mind. Look back on your life as if you were going to die tomorrow. Pretend to be an outsider looking in at your funeral. What is it that you would want to hear or know about yourself and the life you lived? Was it a life that sounds like yours? Does it sound like you were conveying your true self?
Living true to you doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy. Ask yourself these five questions:
Are you being present in the current moment, in a life that you love? Or do you live a life that you’re desperate to run away and vacation from?
Do you do things because you want to? Or do them because you feel like you have to? What makes you feel like you have to?
Do you surround yourself in moments/environments/relationships that light you up? Or do they drain your energy?
Do you feel like your lifestyle is authentic to you? Or do you constantly look to someone else’s version of success?
Do you live according to your system of values? Or do you often go against what you claim to value?
If you feel confused and overwhelmed, take time to reflect on the questions above. Then, take small, actionable steps that can move you toward the path that feels true to you.
For example: if you’re a manager and you believe in equal kindness and respect, are you demonstrating these traits to your team, or is there a way that you can create relationships that reflect your values in how people should be treated?
Another example is: you’re an accountant but you’d love to be an event planner but can’t afford the education, so let’s think of solutions to move you closer to your true life that you seek. The solution could be creating a plan, as follows: continue to work as an accountant, look for accounting job opportunities in event planning companies, volunteer and explain your situation to the event planner to shadow her for the next event, save small chunks of money, take the relevant event planning course, and stay positive because the opportunities are out there and are endless!
Personally, working in an industry that I wasn’t interested in, was soul sucking and made me feel like a fraud. When I learned about myself and my truth, I took small steps to move me in the direction toward the life I wanted to feel was mine to live and represents me (yea y’all, workout clothes all day and talking about health).
As for my hairstylist, Seema, who passed away on March 12, 2018 from ALS, diagnosed in the fall of 2017, she was a great example of being true to herself. She was in her late 40’s, Trinidadian descent, had the slightest accent and spoke with a sense of humour and sass. Her infectious smile would light you up when you saw her. As a director level hairstylist, she worked at DBK Salon for almost 20 years, working her way up in her career to gain exceptional experience and talent, as a single mother to two daughters and providing a house, education, and all the luxuries of life that she never had. She lived with love of everything she did. She didn’t care if she was the celebrity hairstylist making millions because when I asked her if she liked hairstyling and she’d answer with sass, “Honey, I have to love what I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it. It’s long days, standing on your feet all day, your shoulders can get tired, and it’s always busy but I love what I do and I love seeing my clients, especially when I see your name on the schedule.” She continued to learn and experiment in her career and believe me, the lady could do some serious big hair wedding up-dos under high pressure. When it came to her values, she got rid of the haters and overcame a traumatic death in her family, only to say “Why can’t people just be kind and appreciate what they have? Why would you have to do that to someone?” and emphasized wanting to enjoy her life in peace in the presence of her daughters and her mother. When the man of her dreams finally entered her life, she would beam with joy when she spoke about him, no matter what the situation or challenge. I admired and respected this strong woman, for living true to herself and by her definition it wasn’t fancy or complicated. She knew who she was, what she wanted to do, and her values to live by.
Meaning I better be the best damn cardio dance fitness instructor that I want to be. I better keep learning and getting better with age. I better bring my energy to my squad that I teach and positively impact their lives. I wear a Wheel of Dharma necklace as a reminder to stay present and live the by the right path that it represents. I will eat my “sad desk lunch” of kale salad (that I enjoy btw) and not allow others judgment or statements to affect my values. If I want to drink half a bottle of red wine on a Friday night, I will. And for God’s sake, if you’re my cousin’s third cousin twice removed and it’s your baby shower but I dread going because the invitation to a crowd of energy-sucking Debbie-downers was a formality, then I’m not going and saving my weekend energy. Because I’m going to live my truth.